So, back in the saddle (work) today. I don't feel as though I truly "rested" or disco-napped as the great K.A. would say...but, I actually came back to work in a MUCH better mood. My kid thinks I am loony bins! She doesn't understand why I am in such a good mood. Over the few days I took from work, I had spare time to actually sit down and think. About...ME. Contemplating where I am, where I want to go without too much analytical view. I came to a scary realization that I have lost "me" along the way somewhere. Damned if that doesn't sound like a mother fricking Hallmark Special or Card or whatevs. Anyway...I remember back in the day I was almost always a happy-go-lucky kind of gal. I was more outgoing (than now) even though, I was definitely more shy then, too. I fully understand that we "grow" and "change" as we get more into adulting and parenting, etc...BUT.
We shouldn't completely change and lose all of ourselves. I remember I always used to wear rings on all of my fingers...it balanced me somehow. Somewhere along the years, I stopped wearing them all together. Then my BBF, (yes, we're best beotches for evah!) swung us by this swag jewelry booth at a local bazaar. She was checking out silver rings. I checked out the silver rings. I got lured in. I bought a few. I have graduated myself up to all fingers, again. My arthritis has been incognito since I started wearing them again. It's a win-win. I have my BBF to thank for that even by happenstance.
I also noticed I kind of let me go. Now, I know that I will never be the "fit freak" that many people thrive to be. I love food and naps and not exercising TOO MUCH! I am going to try to better myself health wise and start walking more like I used to. At least get down two sizes, I'd be cool with that. As for food, my body has naturally switched me to the health(ish) side...I don't always go for the junk. I love good food...but occasionally you have to indulge a little.
Fashionista I am NOT. I always have and always will dress for comfort. I was more aware of how I presented myself back in the day...but when you're with the same partner for 20+ years and have kids, it can lose priority. That's another thing I "let go". Again, I am no fashion queen and probably never will be (especially according to my kids). Now that I've been separated/divorced for for about 4 years, I've started to find myself again. And sistah is not happy with herself. I do not want to come across as a slouch! So, bit by bit I am going to try to fix up my threads, too! This definitely has to have something to do with my mood!
So, the moral of this vent: don't lose yourself (contrary to what Eminem says) and keep on keepin' on. Do for you!
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