To believe or not to believe...

So, I want to write about a touchy subject. Religion. I don't typically even discuss this with ANYONE, because I have learned quickly that others can get really defensive or will not even talk to you anymore if you don't share the same opinions. (This really goes for religion OR politics or supporting gays). I have learned from observing others do this and it always results in friendships get destroyed.  On social media? I do not to even go there. So, I keep my opinions and beliefs to myself with the exception of a select few and only in person.

Why does it matter what I do or do not believe? We as humans have the right to believe in what we want, whether you were raised to or not. We as Americans have the legal right to believe or not. I agree that if just one religion is instilled within our pledge, songs, institutions, that it should not be forced on others. I do agree that it should be changed to a moment or so of silence for reflection, meditation or prayer. Don't get me wrong. I love America. I love its patriotism and how we as a nation come together to help each other. THAT is a great thing. I am proud to be a part of that. I am not proud that our ancestors have taken this land from others before them. This nation is so diverse and full of culture that we can't just instill Christianity in our schools, government, etc. It's either all or none. Fair is fair.

I was raised as a Christian in a southern Baptist church. My parents never forced me to go. I always had the choice of which church I attended. If I chose not to go or even not to believe, it was always my right. I chose to begin going to church with my Aunt, as I was already spending Saturday nights with her anyway. As I got older, it became "boring" to me and seemed that it was always about he said/she said/church politics and money in that church. So, I quit going. Then, I met my best friend when we were twelve and I began attending her church. The atmosphere was a little more laid back, a smaller venue and more "personal". I liked it. I enjoyed the "family/community feel" of the church. I was baptized there of my own volition. When I was about 17, I became pregnant and drifted apart from the church. They never judged me, not being married, etc. But, I think I judged myself and figured I was not worthy of continuing to attend. After a few years of self reflection and learning about myself and my morals, I decided I didn't need a building to believe in my God. He or she knew. My mom always felt the same way and I think that is why she never forced anything on me as a kid. She wanted me to find it on my own.

I believe in the fact that there is a God, a superior being, Gods, Energies, etc. I agree there is SOMETHING out there that created us. But, I believe that a lot of the religious preaching, writings, ways and teachings have undoubtedly been misinterpreted, mixed-up, misconstrued and probably even altered. So, who is to say what is true? None of us were actually "there" when these events supposedly took place. How do we know that "the word" was translated and written correctly? How do we prove that the government did not step in and decree such historical recordings be written in a certain way...in their favor? We all know the government loves control.

There are too many unanswered questions for me to truly believe in the bible, disciples and all of this alleged history. I am not saying it is not true, but I am also not going to say that it is. I guess one would say that I am a lost soul? I have lost my religion, maybe? I can't commit to one God or being without knowing. This is where my friends and family would tell me, that is what Faith is all about. And I know that. It really is no different than feeling love. I don't disagree with that. But, how do I know which God is right or wrong? Is it horrible of me to sometimes meditate/reflect and say, "Hey, I know you're there. I am not sure who you are. What you represent. If you're male, female, just an all-powerful being or a simple earthly energy/spirit...but I do believe you're there. I believe you exist. I sense that I am to be a decent human being while I am here. I try to be kind, giving, loving and so much more. I can't see you, so I don't know who you are or what you are, exactly. But, I believe in an existence of some sort." Doesn't that count for something?